The Watery Depths

The 2017 summer blockbuster season is officially underway. While this can be cause for rejoicing (I truly enjoyed Guardians 2 and pleasepleaseplease let Wonder Woman be a strong picture!), it can also be a time for scratching your head and saying, "How'd that get greenlit again?"

The sheer expense of making a big summer movie accounts for Hollywood's rampant timidity - why try something new when you've got a built-in audience for a new installment of an established franchise? (Sigh. Yes, Michael Bay, I'm looking at you.) As the global market has become more important to box office receipts - especially China, which limits how many films it will import and wants them all in 3D - Hollywood has increasingly wooed those markets. In the case of Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (let's just call it Pirates), the Mouse took it a step further, premiering the film at the Shanghai Disney resort. Not that I minded that; premiere wherever you want. But it shows that even the Mouse is not immune to that sweet, sweet foreign movie money.

If you like the Pirates movies, you'll like this one. If, like me, you're a little meh on the whole thing, you'll find a great deal to criticize in this one. For me, it was especially annoying that so much of the film's event took place at night. You see, night on the ocean is dark. Darkdarkdark. And the results are murky and difficult to figure out. Add to that the dimming that often comes with 3D and the result is muddy.

As to the plot, it makes little to no sense, but no matter. There are sight gags a-plenty. You get Johnny Depp staggering and mumbling and trying to find something new in a character he first played 14 years ago. You get Orlando Bloom and a wordless Keira Knightley for the original fans, and you get Pirates: The Next Generation with Brenton Thwaites playing the grown son of Bloom's Will Turner and relative newcomer Kaya Scodelerio as a spunky girl astronomer with a mysterious past. There's redemption by the boatload and an after-credits scene that strongly hints that Disney believe the tides have not yet turned on this lucrative franchise.

Rental.

Now, I don't think many of us were clamoring for a Baywatch revival, but we've got one, anyway. While this is being savaged by critics (and make no mistake, it IS bad), I think people are being overly harsh. Baywatch knows it's a parody of a television show that was already a punch line, and there's a certain charm in setting the bar so low. I went into this one just hoping to not claw my eyes out and I actually found myself sincerely laughing a few times. The film doesn't take itself seriously, the plot is tissue-thin, and completely implausible. Well, Animal House wasn't a documentary and it still makes me howl. The "R" rating is for language (honestly, I think the "F bomb" is used as a noun, a verb, an adjective, an adverb, and possibly a gerund throughout the film) rather than for nudity and the nudity you have is exclusively male. (I know, right?) Yep, even in the shower room. And the morgue, but let's not go there.

It's a big, dumb, stupid summer movie, but it's almost saved by Dwayne Johnson, who has saved many a lousy movie. And yes, David Hasselhoff (who also has a cameo in Guardians 2 - and is on the soundtrack!) as well as Pamela Anderson appear. Just like Keira Knightley in Pirates, Anderson's cameo is wordless. I'm beginning to sense a disturbing trend with that.

Rental.

Now go pick up your copy of Beyond Casablanca or its sequel and open to a random page. Go see that instead of either of these.

Let the Grown-Ups Work

Two new films deal - in very different ways - with grown men who are at odds with the world around them. In Black Mass, small-time gangster James "Whitey" Bulger sees opportunity and ruthlessly moves to expand his sphere of influence while in The Intern, retired phone book manufacturer Ben Whittaker seeks to fill his days by working at an internet start-up.

 Black Mass purports to be the story of how far loyalty can stretch when one boy grows up to become an FBI agent and another grows up to become a gangster with his fingers in the criminal pies of extortion, loan sharking, drugs, and everything else an FBI agent is supposed to stop. (I say "purports" because there's some question about how much is true - a common problem with biopics.) Wanting to bring down the Italian mob more than wanting to bust an old friend from Southie, Agent John Connolly convinces his onetime friend, James Bulger, to become an informant. He won't be a rat, you understand - rats are bad - but he'll be able to clean out the old neighborhood.

Bulger understands very well. Nature, and crime, abhor a vacuum, so as the Italians go away, Bulger takes over. Played by Johnny Depp is one of his most compelling performances ever, Bulger is the picture of the neighborhood gangster. He's kind to little old ladies and probably tells kids to stay in school, but he's absolutely ruthless when crossed and he doesn't bother to ask anyone else to do his dirty work - Bulger's fine killing with his bare hands. It's an astonishing performance and the supporting cast (which includes Benedict Cumberbatch, Kevin Bacon, and Jesse Plemons) is very strong. In fact, the performances are probably a shade better than the story, which can seem choppy in places. However, Black Mass is well worth seeing, even if it just to remind you that behind Depp's campy romps is an actor who has honed his craft to a fine edge.

In another generation, The Intern would have been a Cary Grant movie.* Ben Whittaker (Robert De Niro) answers an ad seeking senior citizens to be interns at "About the Fit," an internet clothing company that was established by Jules Ostin (Anne Hathaway). The company isn't even two years old and Jules has over 200 employees, as well as a husband and daughter. She's trying to juggle her responsibilities in all these areas of her life and, while she means well, she's making a hash of it all. Ben might not be familiar with the technological whosits, but he's the voice of calm reason and picture of style. (Side note - yes, men should carry handkerchiefs - I married a man who does and it certainly does get noticed!) This film doesn't really have any sharp edges; it's a throwback to a quieter sort of comedy and while not all of it quite holds together (I think writer/director Nancy Meyers lets Jules' husband off too easily and the film praises overwork more than I think it ought to), The Intern will become a late-night movie staple. See it in the theaters first.


*One of the later ones - maybe Walk Don't Run.

Of Goyas and Marmalade

Two new releases that seem very different, yet are tied together by a definite sense of Britishness, are the focus for this post.

First up is Mortdecai, headlined by Johnny Depp and a X-ray-thin Gwyneth Paltrow. (Seriously, a person could be injured if her collarbones get any more distinct!) Depp is having immense fun in this role, which allows him to cut loose with his silly side as he plays Charles Mortdecai, a titled ne'er-do-well who is well known in the seedier side of the art collecting world. Deeply broke, Charlie is blackmailed into using his connections to find a stolen Goya masterpiece and, along the way, save his estate from financial ruin. The script shows a deep appreciation for broad British and Brit-based comedy, including Mike Myers' turn as Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery. There's a bit of James Bond in here, along with some Monty Python and just a touch of Inspector Clouseau. I also noticed a nod to a few Indiana Jones licks, as well. The supporting cast, which includes Paul Bettany as Mortdecai's ever-faithful manservant, Ewan McGregor as the straight-arrow school chum of both Mortdecais, and Olivia Munn as a woman of, shall we say, flexible morals, is outstanding. The humor is not for everyone, as it relies far more on nimble patter and far less on gross-out gags (although there's some of that as well), and reviews have been less than kind. I, on the other hand, thought it was great fun and laugh-out-loud funny in several places. Not a film for the ages, but this one will make a fine rental. Rated R, but a relatively soft R.

Next is the charming Paddington. I saw this in a theater that was absolutely crammed and the enjoyment of the audience was audible. Paddington is right next to Pooh in terms of "bears our children trust" and the film is a delight. Paddington comes to London when his home in Peru is destroyed by an earthquake. He is young, frightened, and alone. Trying hard to abide by a code of behavior he finds bizarre, hilarity ensues and, since he has a good heart under all that fur, things turn out all right in the end. Along the way, though, there is much trouble and misunderstanding, along with Nicole Kidman looking like a family-friendly version of Emma Frost. Paddington has some lovely things to say about what makes a family and how sometimes, in our quest to be good people and do the right thing, we can become rigid and fearful. The kids in the audience clearly loved the picture and I can wholeheartedly say I did as well. And when you go (although this, too, could wait for rental season), watch the "Lost & Found" sign at Paddington station when the bear first meets the Brown family. Rated PG for some mild scary elements, including an unhinged taxidermist.

4 to Consider . . .

Let's consider this the "marriage post" - I've got four here for your consideration.

We'll begin with the something old.  Recently, I saw Top Hat, a 1935 comedy considered by many to be the Fred Astaire/Ginger Rogers pairing. Between 1933 and 1949, these two hoofers did a total of ten pictures together, nine for RKO and one (their only color film) for MGM. Say what you will about the tissue-thin plot, Top Hat is delightful. This was when movies were aspirational - the plot truly is ridiculous, but ignore that - reality and these dancing pictures really shouldn't spend unsupervised time together. Astaire is suave and blade-thin (as compared to the more muscular build of Gene Kelly) and Rogers is spunky and seems to float on air. Together, they're unstoppable. A wonderful, light-as-meringue way to while away a spring night.

Next, let's look at the something new. I just saw the new Johnny Depp science-fiction flick Transcendence.  It has some interesting questions to explore, but overall, this one's a rental.  (I was gratified to learn that even when the machines begin to rise, I should have no trouble locating an adequate supply of eyeliner and peroxide, however.) Really - this movie does take some risks, and it wants you to think about what it means to be human and is it worth giving up some very central things in return for health and life, but it didn't totally come together for me. It's directed by first-timer Wally Pfister, who is far better known for his cinematography work on films such as Inception and the Dark Knight movies and indeed, Christopher Nolan has an executive producer credit on Transcendence. One to watch, but this one left me unimpressed.

Now for something borrowed. As a child, I never got around to seeing Jim Henson's The Dark Crystal (1982), so I borrowed from my childhood and finally fixed that.  Sigh.  As a kid, certain scenes would have scared the bejeezus out of me and I can appreciate Henson's efforts to take puppetry to the next level.  But maybe you can just be too old to see something for the first time.  I liked the level of detail, but I found the plot to be trite, predictable, and meh.  And I hated that I found it to be so.  I really, really wanted to love this movie, but alas - perhaps it was too late for me.  Henson would go on to elevate puppetry in both Labyrinth and the TV series Farscape, so it's not that I dislike anything that isn't Muppet.

And last, the something blue. Living in small-town North Carolina, I am sometimes limited by what I can see locally.  I greatly regret - and it makes me blue - that I missed Wes Anderson's The Grand Budapest Hotel. It's nowhere within an hour of me, but that's what DVDs and streaming services are for.  Still, if you're interested in a quirky movie involving a hotel, please seek out John Madden's The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.  You won't be disappointed.

Villains, Scoundrels, & Spirits

I've gotten a bit behind in my new movie posts, so this is Part 1 of a two-parter post.  Sorry for getting so far behind, but summer is the time when movies come out fast and thick.  Here, I'm going to discuss three July movies - Despicable Me 2, The Lone Ranger, and The Conjuring - then in the second part, I'll talk about Red 2 and R.I.P.D. (the Mary-Louise Parker double feature).

Despicable Me 2 is, as the title would indicate, the follow up to 2010's Despicable Me.  Steve Carell is back as Gru, the now-retired villain whose soft side was activated by three adorable moppets named Margo, Edith, and Agnes.  It's a fun movie and it comes in at a tidy 98 minutes, making it kid-length.  The minions nearly steal the show, which centers around Gru using his villainous thinking to smoke out a villain who is definitely not reformed.  There's enough here to keep the attention of kids and adults alike although, as is true of most sequels, the second time around, things don't feel quite as fresh and shiny-new.  Still, it was a fun romp and I now want a wide-brimmed hat that doubles as an edible guacamole tray.

Going to see The Lone Ranger was tricky.  While I try hard to stay review-free, word of mouth on this one was nearly devastating.  Listening to the chatter, you'd be convinced that this was the Movie That Would Kill Hollywood.  There was incredulity that Johnny Depp had been tapped to play Tonto and there was much disdain aimed at the stereotypical "ugh, me go now" dialogue.  I'd heard about the framing device of Depp's Tonto being an exhibit in a 1930s Wild West show, which seemed to me to be the height of insensitivity.  So it's safe to say I didn't go into this one with a light and joyful heart.

Yet that's how I left the theatre.  I suspect many folks missed several points here.  Lone Ranger was low-hanging fruit - this was going to be one that was easy to make fun of; we just don't like our heroes unconflicted these days and the white hat/black hat Western is a little too pat for our cynical time, which is a shame.  You know what?  I liked this movie and I feel a little defensive about that.  Yes, Tonto does have stereotypical elements to his character, but he's also the cleverest person in the movie.  (Silver the horse is his own special creation and is not a "person," so he's out of the equation.)  Also, Tonto is far from the only stereotype in the movie - you've got the Heartless Railroad Baron, the Naive Yet Honest-to-the-Core Lawman, the Protective Big Brother, the Plucky Wife, the Traitorous Ex-Friend, and yes, the Hooker-with-a-Heart-of-Gold.  This is a fun popcorn movie.  There's humor and love and honor and daring chase scenes that are deliciously over the top.  Honestly, I don't get the dismissive hate for this one.  I say check your realism hat at the door and just roll with it.

The Conjuring is a haunted-house movie.  Supposedly based on "actual events" (a phrase that really has no meaning after Hollywood gets done with those events), The Conjuring features a family down on their luck who buy a house at a bank auction - apparently sight unseen, judging from their surprise at locating the furnace - and move in with their five daughters.  Strange things begin happening immediately.  (Note:  When your dog doesn't want to cross the threshold of the house, begin asking questions.)  Spooky occurrences escalate and finally, the Warrens are called in.  The Warrens are an actual couple of 1970s ghost-hunters who would make their fame and fortune about a year after the events depicted in The Conjuring in the now-thoroughly-debunked Amityville Horror case.  Look, it's a fun movie, despite the fact that the people act like morons.  (Matches?  Really?)  It's also a strangely conservative, right-wing horror flick and one in which women do not come off that well.  All the trouble stems from weak women, although maternal love can be a force of great strength.  The Christian faith will save the day, even in a house occupied by unbaptized believers, who (of course) cannot save themselves.  (Just an aside - I really wanted Buffy to show up at the Warren house and question their habit of keeping a large room full of objects they consider cursed, possessed, and/or just flat-out creepy in a house with a young, impressionable daughter.  Deadbolts might be indicated.  Just saying.)

Honestly, the best part of The Conjuring (which contains no actual conjuring, by the way) was the audience.  I saw this one in a late-night viewing that was packed and every jump (it's a jump-scare movie, not a gore-scare movie) led to peals of laughter.  A popular theory about horror movies is that they allow us to confront and release our fears in a socially-acceptable way and that seemed to be on display that night, at least.

OK - that's it for Part One of this long post.  Next up - the Mary-Louise Parker Double Feature!